Many of us do this and other tactics to minimize sin. So how do we minimize sin? In two blog posts, Porn to Purity discusses how we minimize sin in recover through two popular basic tactics: diversion and transference. So I will avoid discussing those as his posts were excellent. Here are a few ways that I minimize sin, and I am the king (at least in my world) at some of these, at all of these at some point in my life.
- I give excuses. These are wide-range and far-fetching as can be. One in particular that I may do is get defensive claiming that I don’t like confrontation, or I explain things away as it was nothing. Another is that I blame “the addiction” when in reality, I just chose to do it. A great quote I once heard was: “Excuses are tools of incompetence. They build monuments of nothingness and bridges to nowhere. Those that specialize in them seldom accomplish anything else.”
- I rationalize it. Similar to the first one but very different. This includes a great deal of mental energy and logic and deceit. I simply force myself to the wrong conclusion, one that I know is wrong, but am driven by my emotions, my desires, and my flesh. So I rationalize. I give “good,” rational lies for my behavior convincing (rather deceiving) myself so that I numb my conscience against whatever it is that I want to do. Thus I more than likely grieve and quench the Spirit’s touch on my life. This includes things like “well it’s not really pornography because she is wearing a bikini,” or “I think I’ll go here and maybe I’ll see something that I wasn’t supposed to.”
- I blame others. This is the Adam syndrome. When God confronted Adam about his sin (the you is singular here), as any good man (sarcasm), he blamed his woman (Gen 3:12). And ladies, now you know where we get it from! I simply say, “Its not my fault!” And I redirect the “godly” rage against someone else; or rather, I try with no avail most times. One thing I do is I get as close to the fence as possible so as to blame the other side.
- I claim to be a victim. This is very similar to the first three; however, it deserves its own remarks due to its growing popularity among people like me. This takes absolutely no ownership of the sin implying that I am only a byproduct of my genetics or our environment. While this may be true for the nonChristian (which I won’t debate, see Eph 2:1-3), for me, the Christian, this is completely untrue (cf. Eph 2:4, “But God…” and Eph 2:10). I do this sometimes when I say things like “I didn’t put that billboard there,” or “the email came to my email and I didn’t know what it was until it was too late.”
- I wear masks and masquerade around as being better than we really are. I fake maintain an image for many reasons including shame, inadequacy, embarrassment, and guilt. This one really has two parts: hiding our sin; and exaggerating my good qualities/actions.
- I hide my sin keeping it a secret. I believe the lie that I cannot reveal those feelings of shame, inadequacy, embarrassment, and guilt, I lose all confidence and hide just as Adam and Eve hid from God in the Garden (Gen 3:8, 10).
- I exaggerate the good things. Instead of hiding, I make things sound better than they really are. I’ve been told that this is just a craving for attention, and it might be. Likewise, I still believe the lie that we cannot reveal those feelings of shame, inadequacy, embarrassment, and guilt, but instead of hiding I compensate (usually over-compensate) becoming what I believe to be confident but what comes across as arrogant.
- I downplay the actual sin. I’ll say something like, “Well it was only a catalog picture,” or, “It wasn’t hardcore pornography.” This is a diversion, and I am just placing my sin next to a “bigger” sin minimizing my sin (see Matt 7:1-5, speck vs. log; “the log is my pet sin-don’t mess with it; yours is a bigger deal!”). So I make things sound not as bad as they really are; and that my sin is not that bad. So what I am really doing is minimizing my sin while magnifying another sin, a similar sin that I didn’t commit.
- I judge (see Matt 7:1-5). Instead of focusing on my own personal sin, which is usually the topic of conversation, I shift the focus on my wife’s sin in particular. I’ll call out her time with God or her anger. And many times, I blow something that was not sinful out of proportion based on my misunderstanding. However, I am only doing it to end the conversation.
- I spiritualize. I shift the focus on God’s grace and my apparent or real sorrow. Basically, I am playing the God card. I say, “God has forgiven me, so why haven’t you?” Or “God has forgiven me, so should you.” I expect everyone else to take the high road and be like Jesus while I excuse myself to play the role of sinner.
- I feel deserving or entitled. This is like giving yourself a treat at the end of a hard’s day of work. It’s equivalent to saying something like “I done X Y and Z so I deserve this,” or “I’ve had to deal with A B C so I deserve to…” or “Because I am a guy, I have to…”
So I minimize sin when I don’t take ownership or responsibility for my sin, when I don’t call it what it is (SIN), when I dismiss or make the sin inconsequential, and when I rationalize it away. And frankly, whenever I do these things, I often get the opposite result than I was hoping for. Instead of the conversation ending, it usually gets worse.
Again, the best way around this is to have a group of men (or women if you are a woman) holding me accountable that can call me to the rug. Think about it. How do I know that I am deceived? I need that other person to look into my life and speak truth into me. Second to this is having a ridiculously high standard of what it means to tell the truth and to be fully transparent and authentic. This is something that I am learning over and over very slowly. However, it is essential, and when I say “a ridiculously high standard,” what I really mean is a God-like standard where truth is Truth, where perfection is defined by Him, and where anything that deviates from the plumb line falls short (cf. Rom 3:23).
How do you minimize sin? Can you relate with these or is there something else that you do? If you have accountability partners, identify which ones that you do most often and have them hold you accountable to this.
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