Lessons Addicts Can Learn from the Temptations of Jesus, Part 1

In Matthew 4:1-11, Matthew writes about the temptations of Jesus. Matthew records the first temptation as follows:

1 Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil.  2 And after He had fasted forty days and forty nights, He then became hungry.  3 And the tempter came and said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, command that these stones become bread.”  4 But He answered and said, “It is written, ‘MAN SHALL NOT LIVE ON BREAD ALONE, BUT ON EVERY WORD THAT PROCEEDS OUT OF THE MOUTH OF GOD.’”

In the first temptation, Jesus was “led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil” (4:1). Jesus Himself, full of the Spirit (cf. Luke 4:1), was taken into the wilderness under the Spirit’s control and guidance. We too, if we are being led by the Spirit, will be led into deserts in life. Many lessons can be learned from our wilderness times. Moses, though fully educated in the best universities/schools of its time, learned how to shepherd and lead in the wilderness. Israel learned to trust and obey their God in the wilderness (cf. Num 21:8-9; Jn 3:15-16). One of the sayings that I like is: “This too shall pass.” While I would love to preach some sort of prosperity gospel where we can name it and claim it. The Bible doesn’t teach such a message. Instead, the Bible says to us, “Wherever you are in life, God will be there.” After all, Jesus’ name is Emmanuel, God with us. In Matthew 28:18-20, Jesus tells us that he will be with us always. Psalm 23:4 states, “As I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You are with me.” So even in the wilderness, God is there. And being in the wilderness itself, may be a sign that you are following the Lord’s will in your life.

Jesus was led into the wilderness “to be tempted by the devil.

Romans 6 Series: Part 9, Newness of Life Vs. Oldness of Porn

This is a guest post by Luke Gilkerson (who runs @covenanteyes) from Covenant Eyes.

Do you believe, on the basis of your faith in the resurrection of Jesus, that God will raise you on the last day? Do you also believe that you are united to the living Christ now? Do you believe that God can bring righteous life to your mortal, sin-entrenched body, even in this present age?

This is not merely a pep talk to consider “who you are in Christ,

Romans 6 Series: Part 8, In This Hope We Were Saved

This is a guest post by Luke Gilkerson (who runs @covenanteyes) from Covenant Eyes.

For Paul it all goes back to our faith in Christ. But this isn’t just any sort of faith. It isn’t just a general belief. It is profound faith. It is a resurrection-faith.

“[I]f you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved

Romans 6 Series: Part 7, Consider Yourselves Dead to Sin

This is a guest post by Luke Gilkerson (who runs @covenanteyes) from Covenant Eyes.

“So you also must consider yourselves dead to sin and alive to God in Christ Jesus. Let not sin therefore reign in your mortal body, to make you obey its passions. Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace

Romans 6 Series: Part 6, What about Dying to Sin?

This is a guest post by Luke Gilkerson (who runs @covenanteyes) from Covenant Eyes.

Why does all this talk of death and resurrection matter? Where do we learn how to die to our sin and live lives of holiness? When do we get the pep talk on mortifying our flesh and fighting our sin?

I do not talk about that here because this is not where Paul talks about it. It is crucial we understand the flow of Paul’s thought. He does not spend five chapters teaching us about the glories of the free gift of grace apart from any works on our part, only to double-back with, “But it’s still important to keep the commandments.

Romans 6 Series: Part 5, Christ Lives to God

This is a guest post by Luke Gilkerson (who runs @covenanteyes) from Covenant Eyes.

In what sense does Christ now live to God? Again, understanding what Paul means is important if we are going to live to God ourselves. Christ somehow “lives to God

Romans 6 Series: Part 4, Christ Died to Sin

This is a guest post by Luke Gilkerson (who runs @covenanteyes) from Covenant Eyes.

What does it mean to say Christ “died to sin

Romans 6 Series: Part 3, We Died to Sin

This is a guest post by Luke Gilkerson (who runs @covenanteyes) from Covenant Eyes.

“What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin that grace may abound? By no means! How can we who died to sin still live in it?

Romans 6 Series: Part 2, Problem Created by Romans 1-5

This is a guest post by Luke Gilkerson (who runs @covenanteyes) from Covenant Eyes.

The Problem Created by Romans 1-5

At the risk of writing something overly familiar to you, it is important to summary Paul’s argument in Romans 1-5. Paul’s gospel is as follows: The whole human race, Jew and Greek alike, is under the wrath of God because of the rebellion of sin (Romans 1:18-3:20). The whole world is accountable to God. But the good new is: “[A]ll have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith.

Romans 6 Series: Part 1, Overview: Spotlight on Romans

This is a guest post by Luke Gilkerson (who runs @covenanteyes) from Covenant Eyes.

I spend the lion’s share of my time interacting online with people who have been impacted by pornography, often in overtly visible ways. Christian “porn addicts,

Biblical Marital Abstinence: Abstaining from Sex in Marriage

Today I saw another good post by Porn to Purity, as I was writing a comment, I kept writing. So instead of posting a comment there, I thought I would make a small posting here.

1 Corinthians 7:5 states, “Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self control.” There are three things to consider about this verse.

First, women (and men for that matter) should not deprive their spouses of sex, except by agreement, even in anger, resentment, etc. This is a terribly difficult road; however, it is essential because, “the wife does not have authority over her body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does” (1 Cor 7:4). Simply, consider the interest of your spouse (cf. Phil 2:4). So there must be agreement. There must be a conversation where the husband and wife are honest about their feelings regarding sex. For the addict, it is important even vital in every respect. However, abstinence promises some great rewards including the porn addict being able to prove that he does has some semblance of self-control and maturity (ability to put off immediate gratification for future gain), and the spouse having the time, the space, the lack of pressure (to perform or to fulfill her duties?) in order to begin her own personal healing.

Second, the purpose of this “withdrawal” is not revenge or anything but devoting “yourselves” to personal, and corporate (corporate in the sense of husband/wife together), prayer. It is about drawing oneself to God and thus to each other. Think of a triangle. Husband is at the bottom right and the wife is at the bottom left and God is at the top. As the husband seeks God, he moves towards God. As the wife seeks God, she moves towards God. Each step draws the two closer together for that bottom line (representing the husband/wife relationship) gets smaller and smaller.

Third, this is not a permanent condition. It is temporary. The Apostle Paul wrote, “and come together.” So don’t worry about it (staying that way), and don’t be afraid of it (changing back to sex). It would be very tempting to think, “This is great! I wish it could always stay like this.” As great as it may be, it is not God’s best for a couple. It can be greater and better as hard as that sounds. And the reason for this is that “Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” It is interesting to note that Paul encourages singlehood (<-Is that a word) or singleness (1 Cor 7:6-7). He concedes to marriage because of lack of self-control (1 Cor 7:6, 9) in regards to sexual relations. That being said, after the husband and wife abstain from sex or any sexual activity, they should come back together by agreement. And it is typically best to come to these terms before setting on the course of sexual abstinence (since in the heat of any moment, anything can make sense!). After this period, the sexual addict has demonstrated themselves as less selfish and more mature. They have demonstrated that they have a greater concern for at least their wives and family along with a wide variety of other motivations. So knowing that they are less selfish than before, they will be more apt to considering her needs and wants and not just their own. So marital sexual abstinence needs a plan from the start that includes its purpose, reasons, and length.

Both Mark Laaser and Patrick Carnes (who taught Laaser) believe that it is essential for a sex or porn addict to be abstinent for a period of 90 days! Ninety! Wow! That’s a long time! 3 months!

Abstaining from Sex in Marriage with a Porn Addict

This serves at least three purposes:

  1. It helps rewire the brain as it has become accustomed and even dependent upon certain cocktail parties from stimulation, etc.
  2. It teaches the sex addict that sex/porn is not the most important thing in a relationship.
  3. It begins to heal the relationship between a husband and wife as she has time to heal, to breath, etc.

However, there is no promise that this will be easy! Have you ever gone for more than 40 days without sex by agreement in a marriage? If so, how was it? Are you thinking about talking to your spouse about going abstinent for a period? If so, what are your fears? What are your motivations?