by @purifyinggrace on June 19, 2010
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Clement writes,
Let us consider that wonderful sign [of the resurrection] which takes place in Eastern lands, that is, in Arabia and the countries round about. There is a certain bird which is called a phœnix. This is the only one of its kind, and lives five hundred years. And when the time of its dissolution draws near that it must die, it builds itself a nest of frankincense, and myrrh, and other spices, into which, when the time is fulfilled, it enters and dies. But as the flesh decays a certain kind of worm is produced, which, being nourished by the juices of the dead bird, brings forth feathers. Then, when it has acquired strength, it takes up that nest in which are the bones of its parent, and bearing these it passes from the land of Arabia into Egypt, to the city called Heliopolis. And, in open day, flying in the sight of all men, it places them on the altar of the sun, and having done this, hastens back to its former abode. The priests then inspect the registers of the dates, and find that it has returned exactly as the five hundredth year was completed (1 Clement 25; note: This fable respecting the phœnix is mentioned by Herodotus (ii. 73) and by Pliny (Nat. Hist., x. 2.) and is used as above by Tertullian (De Resurr., §13) and by others of the Fathers).
The Roman Poet Ovid also has a strikingly parallel account:
Most beings spring from other individuals; but there is a certain kind which reproduces itself. The Assyrians call it the Phoenix. It does not live on fruit or flowers, but on frankincense and odoriferous gums. When it has lived five hundred years, it builds itself a nest in the branches of an oak, or on the top of a palm tree. In this it collects cinnamon, and spikenard, and myrrh, and of these materials builds a pile on which it deposits itself, and dying, breathes out its last breath amidst odors. From the body of the parent bird, a young Phoenix issues forth, destined to live as long a life as its predecessor. When this has grown up and gained sufficient strength, it lifts its nest from the tree (its own cradle and its parent’s sepulchre), and carries it to the city of Heliopolis in Egypt, and deposits it in the temple of the Sun.
Christian authors typically refer to the Pheonix as a symbol of the resurrection and the resurrected life (cf. Psalm 92:12 and Job 29:18). And in all traditions the story of the Phoenix symbolizes rebirth. In more modern times, in J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series, the phoenix dies and rises again. I say this because there are a lot of lessons that can be taken from this story that is applicable to the pornography addict; mainly from the motif, “rising from the ashes.”
How have you risen from the ashes? Or are you like me still in a heap of ashes?
by @purifyinggrace on June 17, 2010
RAM is an acronym for Random Access Memory. It is the part of the computer that helps process the programs that are running while the computer is running. It controls the tasks at hand, and there is a limit to that memory. My cell phone has a low level of RAM and is constantly freezing. I do two things when this happens: (1) Close programs that are running (my smartphone can have more than one program running simultaneously) and (2) Delete my text messages. This immediately clears space for the RAM to begin working and the phone to begin working properly.
And this Christmas, we spent time with my in-laws. They had “high speed internet” which was a mere 2MB bandwidth. With three immediate families there, we had three laptops all trying to connect to the internet. So as soon as one person began downloading anything it would almost automatically freeze up another person. Eventually the bandwidth was taken up so that all the laptops were unable to connect to the internet. It was maxed out and eventually two of us would just close our laptops leaving the third person excited and surprised that their internet was working.
Both of these serve as good examples to what I believe is happening with me. I have so much stuff in my head that it crowds out important things because there is only so much room. Whether it is my preoccupation with pornography or a lie or two (not that I ever told any) that would compound to three or four (but rarely more than say 10-20 <-sarcasm). So eventually I have to remember reality, truth, the lies, who I told what, what cover-up was used and the amount of details that were given, etc. etc. Furthermore, I am always reading a book here and there and I am always learning more about my work and my job, so needless to say that my mind is on overload! My ability to process and my emotional bandwidth has plateaued.
Being overloaded, I am tired…always tired…more tired than I typically am. I am falling asleep almost at any time at any place. I am lethargic and at times simply unable to do anything (but not from depression per se). So now I am managing my professional life, my home life, and my addictive life along with my emotional baggage of guilt and shame all the while comparing myself against my high Christian standards and values.
When I first really entered recovery only recently, my wife’s counselor told us to clear our plates even if that meant not going to church for children’s choir or the Sunday night service or AWANAS or whatever. At first, I didn’t really understand this and didn’t really care to cut anything out. Actually I added to my plate and overloaded my plate just as a hungry starving person would overload their plate at an all you can eat buffet where their eyes are much bigger than their stomach. Only recently have I finished projects, walked away from opportunities and began to push things off my plate. I have delayed doing things that I wanted to do and wanted to learn. This is so that I can free up space in my RAM or in my emotional bandwidth. And I am beginning to need a simple system reboot, so that changes can take effect.
by @purifyinggrace on June 15, 2010
There is an old recovery story about a man desperately trying to get out of a jungle. Searching for an escape, he came to a raging river with apparently no way to get across. So he built a sturdy raft out of wood and vines, which was all that was available. He launched the makeshift craft into the white water and managed to push himself to the other side. While recovered his strength, he thought about the he effort he put into the raft. He decide he needed to bring it with him. He told himself that there might be other streams, ut maybe no materials to build a new raft. Consequently he pulled the heavy raft through the jungle, which slowed him down rather considerably. It was a great deal of effort but he was convinced he had to do it. He then met a traveler who observed that if he had let go of the raft, he would be out of the jungle, because there are always other solutions at each crossing (From Patrick Carnes’s 40 Day Focus).
My sexual acting out is a solution to one or many of my problems and/or perceived problems. And frankly it worked well enough for me to continue to do it again and again. For example, when I was in high school, I was scared to death to get drunk and have sex. My dream was to be a scholar athlete and to have a full ride to college using both my brains and my athletic ability. However, I knew that if I had sex, I would get a girl pregnant the first time…no doubt (though this later proved to be untrue with my wife). And I was afraid to get drunk because I was afraid what I would do if I were drunk. Mainly, I was afraid that I would have sex. So in preparation for a date, I would always look at pornography and masturbate before hand so as to drive my sex drive down. Most of the time, it worked, and I was only interested in the making out stage.
However, now I am married. I have also realized that I use pornography to cope with stress, anger, guilt, loneliness, frustration, exhaustion, excitement even…almost every thing frankly. It was convenient, and it didn’t take long at all or it only took as long as I’d like–or so I believed. However, that soon proved otherwise as I would look at pornography for hours while I was in college and in graduate school even though I only wanted to take a peek sometimes. So instead of learning for new ways to cope with my stress or whatever it may be, I always ran to my idol, worshiped, and returned. Now, I need to do the same with Jesus. However, it will prove to be more difficult to escape the trap of pornography. Simply I have been dealing with real life problems with the wrong solution. Now I know about Jesus…it is time for me to really re-experience Jesus.
I love this quote by Albert Einstein:
“The significant problems we face cannot be resolved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.”
