#1: Loss of Fellowship with God

Cost #1: Loss of Fellowship with God

Probably the most important cost of pornography is a loss of fellowship with God. First, we must not forget that one can lose fellowship with God with any other sin as well, and often times the use or abuse of pornography is coupled with another sin issue, such as lying, deceitfulness, etc. This cost really goes without saying, and some of us may not even be Christian, so this cost is not too important to us. However, to those who do fellowship with God or call themselves believers, this is extremely important.

I remember several years back when I was a vibrant new believer with a struggle with pornography. I felt like there was a glass ceiling between God and me, and I felt I was banging my head against it trying to prove to God that I could have both Him and my sin issue. I felt this disconnect, even though I often returned in sorrow and guilt though I am not sure if I have ever repended with godly sorrow. Yet, the Bible clearly states that we cannot serve two masters (Mt 6:24; Lk 16:13). Note that it says, “No servant can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one, and love the other, or else he will hold to one, and despise the other.” At any point that I choose my pornography over God, I am holding to pornography while despising God (and vice versa). I never thought that I would despise God though. But as Piper has pointed out in Desiring God that when we sin, it is becase we lack faith in God. And without faith, it is impossible to please God (Heb 11:6).

To push this point further, we simply just need to turn to 1 John 1. 1 Jn 1:6 says, “If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.” When we practice pornography, we are walking in the darkness. Think about it. Not many Christians walk around touting that they look at pornography. Not many Christians will pull out a Playboy or something else at church or invite their church friends over to look at porn. While there may be some, they are few and far between, and some would doubt that they are even Christian. Usually most Christians inherently know that this stuff is bad, evil and has no place in the Christian life. Most of us feel shame and guilt simply because we are Christians who are partaking in something despicable. Yet, what we do in secret will one day be shouted from rooftops for there is nothing secret from God (Mk 4:22; Lk 8:17; 12:2-3; Eph 5:11-13). Jesus will reveal our hypocrisy one way or another. For a long time, I read these verses and said, “That’s impossible. God won’t do that to stain His church.” But now, I am not so sure. He doesn’t need my help in protecting His reputation. Instead, I believe I am and my relationship with Him are of greater concern than the reputation of my local church. So I can either cooperate with Him, or I can push against Him, and I will force His hand in discipline (Heb 12:6; Mt 21:44). So when I engage in or practice pornography, I am walking in darkness. However, notice what the text says, “yet walk in the darkness.” “Walk” means to consistently and habitually live. John is talking about the person who says that they are a Christian yet are hiding their sin, living in secret, living a double life in hypocrisy. The text is not necessarily talking about someone who openly shares about his/her struggle because they are walking in the light looking at their sin and calling it sin. However, a person walking in darkness does not recognize their sin in the same way that God does; they are not in agreement with God.

I know for a while I lived in this way hiding my sin and my shame appearing to have it all together and even lying to people that I ever viewed pornography. Once I was in a dorm room with a bunch of friends as a new Christian taking a lot of heat from my friends (both guys and girls) about being a Christian. Somehow the conversation turned sexual since everyone in the room (except me) had been sexually active. Then they asked how I dealt with my sex drive accusing me of masturbation and looking at pornography. I responded with the patent answer that Christians do not partake in such exercises and that God has enabled me to remain pure to date and that I had not viewed pornography. They surprisingly accepted my argument though they mocked me and God. But this was a straight lie because I thought it was not permissible for me to be open and honest about my pornography issue with non-Christians. Realizing that it worked to be super-spiritual, I then began lying to everyone about it living a dual life. However, I really did not have fellowship with God. 1 John 1:6 is clearer than we would like it to be, “If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.” I said that I was a Christian yet I clearly walked in darkness, lying and not practicing the truth. However, now, I believe I am walking in the light. My sin has been exposed though not voluntarily at first. I attend Celebrate Recovery, and I am attempting to walk in integrity though this is quite difficult since I have gotten so good at doing the opposite.

So the first cost is the gravest cost and should go without saying. Simply, we lose fellowship with God. While some of us have never had any fellowship with God, this cost is of no great concern. However, almost all 12-step recovery groups force a person to recognize that there is a higher power by the second step (except The 12 Step Journal by Claudette Wassil-Grimm, M.Ed. who is writing from an obvious secular viewpoint). While I do believe that non-Christians can recover from their addiction to a degree, they will always have a harder struggle than Christians who can walk not only in recovery but in victory. But relax, I will be talking about some costs that all people would agree and some costs that are quite controversial in nature, after all I do have 50+.