Today, I came across this website, Pornography Addiction Recovery. He offered 5 checkpoints. They are:
- You must desire to stop using pornography for the right reasons. It is not about you. If your motive is selfish you will continue to fail.
- You must get a Wingman. To be successful you will have to share your struggle with a trusted, same-gender friend (or 2) that can hold you accountable.
- You must abolish all access to pornography or anything else that may be inappropriately sexually arousing.
- Replace your porn habit with something healthy every day.
- Get to the root of the problem. Every addiction is rooted in some sort of past wound. You must be willing to discover this ‘chink in your armor’ and repair it in order to be successful.
So let’s re-phrase these into questions:
- Do you desire to stop using pornography for the right reasons?
- Do you have a Wingman (of the same sex) that can hold you accountable?
- What have you done to abolished all access to pornography or anything sexually inappropriate?
- With what have you replaced your porn habit with something healthy every day?
- What have you done to get to the root of the problem? Are you on track to getting to the root cause?
The Right Reasons
So when I first read this, I wondered, what are the right reasons? The author “whole armor” says, “It is not about you. If your motive is selfish you will continue to fail.” I wonder if that is true. I believe that a person must have a multitude of reasons. Some days one reason will help while other days that reason won’t suffice. So the more reasons you have the better the outcome. However, I have not thought through my reasons like I should. Why do I want to quit? Why do I want to be porn-free? Do I even want to be? I believe that the #1 reason should be to “Get right with God;” however, I find that to be a very difficult reason too.
A Wingman
Most recovery places encourage more than one wingman. We need accountability and a mentor. But regardless, we need at least one person to reveal all our stuff; one person, other than our spouse. Having only one person, again though, will not suffice. Placing that much pressure on one person will not work. A struggling addict needs a group of support people. Someone he/she can call at all times. Sometimes that’s person A, while other times, it’s person B or C or D. I personally believe that we need at least three or more people. I personally wish I had someone different for each day of the week. Someone that would call me consistently and regularly! Someone that demands that I call them! And if I don’t call, they call me at weird hours questioning, “Why haven’t you called!?.”
Access
I go back and forth on this one. Should someone abolish all access to porn? Or is that creating a crutch that will allow someone to fall as soon as it is taken away. It can be seen as both. For some, it would be just that: a crutch that allows them to crumble. However, it can also give someone strength that when the time comes, it’s easier. Take, for example, a person with a broken leg. When it is first broken, it is set and casted. Then he walks with crutches, then a special shoe, then normal. So it may be with an addict.
New Healthy Habit
To me this is the most difficult, esp. since my life is incredibly busy. I am still searching this out.
Root Cause
This is best done through a counselor, group step study (in recovery) as in Celebrate Recovery, or one-on-one mentoring, even a combination of all three. I personally stopped seeing counselors because I often view them as incompetent. Plus, they are expensive and I am not sure that the “results” that they produce are actually beneficial. However, it may be that I have never seen a counselor that holds to the same theory as I do. I believe that this brings up a lot of issues and areas of concern.
Summary
So it looks like I’ve failed that checklist?? I have written these down and will think on these. While I believe I have #s 1-2 done correctly, I definitely don’t have #3-5 set right. I still have access. I don’t have a new healthy daily habit. And I am working to find #5. Obviously, this checklist is not something that one dawns on immediately to free oneself. This checklist is one that is accomplished over time with probably #s 1-3 done immediately as essentials. Am I right? What do you think?
