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In his book The Game Plan
- Their introduction to sexual sin came early in life.
- Despite their sexual behavior, these men had a genuine and abiding faith in Christ.
- Their conversion experience, though genuine, did not make their sexual problems disappear. (+ the silence in the churches confirms fears)
- They’ve recently been exposed leading to motivation, a crisis of some sort.
These are true for me as well. My porn addiction started when I found my dad’s stash of porn under his bathroom sink when I was around 10-12, I can’t remember. I remember being somewhere between 5th and 8th grade when I discovered this new thing. While I am not sure how it started for him (because I never found any at my grandfather’s [his dad] house though I did find some at my other grandfather’s house [my mom's dad]).
I too have a genuine, abiding faith in Christ. After becoming a Christian late in high school, I began to clean up my life…everything except pornography. For some reason, I didn’t, and it certainly didn’t disappear on its own. I grew rather quickly and was placed in Christian leadership as a young Christian (FCA). Then in college, I had another Christian growth spurt where I read the NT rather quickly, leading in multiple Christian organizations, teaching Bible Studies as a Freshman in college. I eventually transferred to a school where I could major in Bible (pre-seminary) that would prepare me for seminary. However, starting some time late in my college life, I began feeling like I hit a ceiling, and it spurred me to deal more with my sin having accountability in place going months (3-4 months, I believe was the longest I went, a semester’s time) without “using.” However, I always eventually returned.
Beyond these, at one time in my life, I sincerely thought that marriage would eventually help me stop looking at pornography. While I wasn’t as naive as others I’ve known and didn’t think that as soon as I got married I would be completely free from the problem, I did think that it would eventually over time cause the pornography to become less interesting, etc., because what is better than a wife when I can have sex almost any time I want. Yet that was treating and considering my wife to be a sex object, not someone with whom I was to be intimate.
Finally, I have come to a crossroads in my life. My wife gave me an ultimatum that she would leave me if I didn’t leave seminary. I wasn’t the noble guy who voluntarily chose to leave seminary to deal with a life problem or issue. While yes I did make the right choice, I didn’t leave happily. I left with the full intention of returning telling everyone that I would be returning. However…I am not sure that this will ever happen. Finally, more than a year later, I am realizing the depth of the consequence of my sin. This is the beginning of the death of my dream. I know that my wife never wants to return to school, rather seminary. And rightly so…however, I long for it.
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