What is the purpose of accountability? Why have accountability? What does it accomplish?
For Celebrate Recovery, whenever one goes through the step stedy, one is supposed to have an accountability parnter and a sponsor. Now the accountability partner is usually another addict. The Celebrate Recovery meetings themselves are not two way conversations, but are monologues about certain open-ended questions. So, an accountability partner is someone to provide that two way conversation usually that provides encouragement rather than condemnation. So what you have are two people who both are striving towards some definition of sobriety (sexual or otherwise), and usually one is up while the other is down. If we’re lucky we’re both up or we’re both done. I’ve seen, heard, and have even been one of those guys who rationalized that since my accountability partner screwed up last week, I can this week. And something is wrong there.
Also, some of us have heard it said that with accountability, we should have a list of questions to cover. Does that really work? For some, I imagine it does, but for an addict? Really? I seriously doubt it. What is someone going to do? They ask, “Did you masturbate this week? How many times?’” Then what? I have heard guys say, “Well, you should put your money where your mouth is.” Again what does that accomplish? Either I pay or don’t. Am I really obligated? Eventually that too will run its course and be done. But this may work for some, but doubtful for an addict. I have had several accountability partners and none have worked; however, close friends have worked. These are men who know me, who know my issue, who know my wife, who know my kids or family, who have lived with me and walked with me. These are men who care about my well being and the well being of my family. There is no meeting schedule or agenda, just initiatives on each of our behalves to get with one another periodically to love one another the best we know how, to sharpen one another, to debate one another, etc. What I am talking about is community, fellowship, real church. I am talking about Hebrews 9-10, I think where we are challenged not to forsake the gathering of believers, not big church.
But before you come to the conclusion that I disagree with accountability, I do think accountability has its place, more so with the non-addict than the addict. However, with the addict it can serve as a good deterrent from the phyiscal side of sexual addiction or pornography. But if one depends on this tool alone, they will fall again when someone moves or something happens to cause the accountability group to dissolve. So accountability has its benefit but it also has many limitations. It will not provide the healing that needs to take place before one can move forward.
Addicts, what do you think? What were your expectations of accountability? How have they failed or succeeded? How have your expectations changed over the course of your recovery?
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