Many of us have heard it said that to re-establish trust in a relationship, it takes consistency. At first, because of the vagueness, I took this to mean consistency in avoiding pornography and not acting out through masterbation which is hard enough as it is. However, it is more than that! It is also consistency with my entire being: telling the truth, being where I should be, even being on-time or early to places, taking responsibility (which is also very abstract), being transparent/real/authentic, walking the narrow line, being patient and gentle with my spouse, being loving, turning the other cheek to her strange (and apparent unfounded and out of nowhere) anger. This type of consistency is necessary because of all my lies both small and large; because of the hypocrisy. Yet this type of consistency is the most difficult too because it embodies the total person instead of the single compartamentalized part. It is not simplying fleeing pornography but also pursuing God, pursuing righteousness. We give lip service toawGod and the Christian life if all we do is simply run away from the porn stronghold.
I know in my life that it is so easy for me to compartamentalize everything and rationalize things and unknowingly treat my wife second rate. Have you ever heard your wife say to you: “All you care abut is sex!” Or, “You’re only nice to me when you want sex.” I have. This steams from a lack of consistent treatment of her as the weaker sex, as the princess, no, queen of your home.
Do you treat your wife as you would treat yourself? Do you consider her interest over your own? I know I don’t. I fail every time I look at pornography. I fail every time I get a speeding ticket. I fail every time I don’t listen to her. I fail every time I blow her off. I fail every time I ignore her or act as if I didn’t hear her. I fail every time I don’t support her with the kids. I fail often and daily. I know that I have often given lip service to my God, my Christian life, and others. How many times have I said or even promised that I would stop but didn’t! Have you also?
My inconsistency has greatly extended beyond my bad habit. My life has gotten out of control on so many different levels; it’s embarrassing! Not only for me, but my wife also! She is overly embarrassed at my life inconsistencies. And rightly so!
What do you think? How has consistency defined itself in your relationship? How important is consistency to re-establishing trust in your relationship? How have you succeded or even failed in the past?
