What do you think and feel of when you think of being with God? Or when I think of being with God, I feel…
Theologically, this is easy. The New Testament is clear: God is love (1 John 4:8, 16) and we have peace with God (Rom 5:1; Phil 4:7). But do I feel peace when I think of being with God? Do I feel love? What does it mean to feel love from God? What does it mean to feel peace with God? While these questions are fairly easy biblically and theologically, practically, experientially, and emotionally, it’s sometimes a different story. For me, I was taught about God, about the Bible, and about orthodox theology. However, I was never taught how to walk with God. I heard it once said, “God is not taught; He’s caught.” What does it mean to walk with God? What does it mean to pray? Theologically speaking, prayer is God’s means of doing His will. It’s powerful and effective. It’s where the free will of man and the divine will intersect. But other than simple obedience, why pray? Other than evoking God’s favor and blessing and action, why pray? Many times when I’ve prayed in the past, I simply felt as though they were hitting the ceiling. Yet prayer is where intimacy with God grows. But this does not answer how I feel about being with God.
According to the Book of Hebrews, we can enter the throne room of God with confidence. We can enter into His presence boldly without guilt, shame, or anything else. Or we can boldly enter carrying those feelings. But how do I feel about that? I don’t know. How do I feel? I feel alone. I feel like I miss Him–something happened somewhere. Somewhere He got replaced, probably with biblicism, the exaltation of the Bible. I don’t feel anger. I feel frustration. I don’t feel excitement. I feel disappointment; not that I am disappointed with Him, rather I project and feel that He is with me. The simple fact that God loves me and has immense favor on me is crazy. I don’t feel full of grace. I feel emptiness. I don’t feel joy. I feel sadness.
Do I want to be with God? Yes, yes I do. I want to experience the love of God and receive what he has for me. But what does that look like? Typically, I ran to my idol of pornography. So instead of running there, what does it look like to run to God instead of pornography? What does it mean to have God meet me where I am? What does it mean to interact with God with not only my mind but with my spirit and emotions?
