Google Images: Accidentally on Purpose

Have you ever played with fire? I have and while I don’t actually play with fire any more, I still do. When I was a kid, I was sort of a pyromaniac. I loved fire. One time, I was playing with some lighter fluid and a zippo with my buddy who lived up the street. We had this bright idea to get a 20oz plastic cup, you know, the kind we used to get at college football games, and fill it with lighter fluid. Well, we did, then the cup melted! WOW! Didn’t foresee that happening. Maybe I should have? After all, I was in middle school.

Yet, the same thing continues to happen to me simply because of failing to think through situations, thoughts, and feelings. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that if you play with fire, you will eventually get burned. About a week ago, I did a Google images search, you know the kind of search that might bring up something but it also might not? However, you can be sure that you get something inappropriate by adjusting the settings. Well, I did, and got what I bargained for. While it wasn’t pornography in the strictest sense, it was Rated-R and by my definition of pornography, it was pornography. I know I shouldn’t have searched for anything. I actually have a deal with my wife that if I need to go pic hunting for work, then I do it at home with her. However, I just did it.

So when my wife asked me later that day, “Did you look at pornography?” I minimized it. I justified it. I rationalized it. I diverted the conversation. I downplayed it. I finally agreed with her and confessed it. I hate confessing. I hate hurting her again and again and again… It’s 35 days wasted away. Gone! Back to square 1. And while I am at day 7, I am really at day 1 because today I was honest with myself.

Related posts:

1. My Anger Towards Anyone Is Really My Hatred Towards Me

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