Many times I read or hear people talk and ask and wonder if there is such a thing as sexual addiction. Other times I hear people compare addictions to one another, and as an addict we can learn tons about our own addiction through the addiction of others. For example, when I talk to my friend who is a cocaine addict and an alcoholic, some of his behavior can so easily be fixed; however, as his accountability partner, I do not focus on his behavior entirely. I try to focus on his heart. As an addict of a different strand, I have applied many accountability tactics that have been used on me onto him.
However, sexual addiction is different, and anyone who says it is like the other addictions like alcoholism, narcotics, etc. simply are ignorant in the matter. So how is it different?
First, as humans we are innately sexual. We are identified and classified by our sex, our gender. Our sexuality is a part of who we are though we may not be who we have made it to be. Most addicts have taken something good and twisted and perverted it, sometimes beyond recognition. As an addict, our sexuality or sex or porn has wrongly become the centerfold or the secret centerfold of our lives. And for married people, one may or may not be able to abstain from sex to allow their brain patterns to be relearned/recentered or corrected. However, we are not just sexual animals; we are humans, sons/daughters of Adam & Eve, made in the “image of God” (Genesis 1:26-27).
Second, because of the nature of sexual addiction and society, it is the most shameful of all addictions. People have been dealing with alcoholics and drug addicts for years, and about 30+ years ago, alcoholism was in the same place that sexual addiction is in now. However, a sexual addict is a punchline. In the Christian community, it is the big pink elephant in the room that no one sees and no one certainly talks about. So for Christians, there is an added level of shame beyond the societal woes. In some circles a sexual addiction may be “celebrated” by friends; however, they don’t realize the extent of the need of the drug of sex/porn. It is very interesting that after Adam & Eve sinned in the garden, they immediately sought to cover themselves for they realized they were naked (Genesis 3:7), even though previously they were naked and unashamed (Genesis 2:25). So after sin, the implication is that they realized they were naked and had feelings of shame.
Third, with sexual addiction, there is usually an addiction to pornography. Pornography and masturbation are generally recognized to be the cornerstones on which one’s sexual addiction began. And (even if there isn’t any pornography) because of the nature of our brain patterns, these images stick (whether images of pornography or images of sexual acting out with others), especially when combined with the natural bodily chemicals, that is, hormone cocktail that engages the brain to solidify the image. While all addictions must deal with bad thinking patterns and false “self-talk,” sexual addicts have an added duty. They must always protect their minds from the images that can be recalled at a moment’s notice from a certain smell, a certain dress, a certain look, a certain body type, a certain hairstyle, a certain scenario, and all kinds of other possibilities infinite in number. So a sex addict more than any other addict must take every thought captive (2 Cor 10:5). The alcohol, the drugs, etc, can be put out of sight; internet pornography doesn’t follow suit.
Fourth, the addiction of sex/porn addiction is ultimately spiritual, but also physical, mental, and emotional. While the other addictions are any combination of the above, typically they don’t involve all four. One spiritual life author, Michael Wells, writes,
There are normally two elements comprising any hurt; the first is pain and the second is rejection…In fact, there is only one thing readily available to purge both pain and rejection…That one thing is sex. While involved in the sexual act, we receive pleasure and thus are free from our pain, while at the same time someone is holding us—even if just for the moment—and ridding us of that dreaded rejection. By the next day we may have pain and rejection intensified by this involvement (Sidetracked in the Wilderness, 47-48).
Fifth, there is a synthesis of arousal, relaxation, and fantasy unparalleled in any other addictions. Sex/porn addiction seems to combine these elements with more frequency and more intensity than any other elements. This gives a high that is equivalent or worse than the high of cocaine. At the height of the experience a person reaches orgasm, and there is a release of endorphins creating relaxation and euphoria.
When a person engages in pornography/masturbation or sexual relations, they are causing a physical response (orgasm, ejaculation) with a flood of hormones and chemical cocktails to flood the brain with mental implications. Furthermore, many sex/porn addicts use sex/porn to escape some emotional pain (no matter how small) or stress or difficulty or feelings to cope with their life or circumstances. And the ironic thing is that sex/porn causes an emotional tie and response typically one of anger or depression. And lastly, as in Genesis 2 and Ephesians 5, there is a spiritual connection that is made. As with any idol, there is demonic activity tied with pornography. So engaging in this behavior can have adverse effects on one’s mentality, one’s spouse’s emotions and spirituality. There is some demonic activity involved in the spouse’s dreams as can be seen at the forums of Fred Stoeker.
So sexual addiction is different in five main ways: (1) We are sexual beings; (2) sexual addiction is most shameful; (3) the sticky images of sexual addiction; (4) sexual addiction is spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional; and (5) an intense synthesis of arousal, relaxation, and fantasy .
Do you think sexual addiction is different than any other addiction? How so? Or how not?
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!Related posts:
