I sit here day in and day out struggling the same struggle again and again. Even when I am not where I normally am, I still struggle. Sometimes I think that maybe if I were not a Christian, life would be easier! Or sometimes on more desperate situations, I think, “If I were to revoke my Christianity, then I could do anything I want!” However, both of these thoughts are wrong and full of lies. They scream of selfishness and hopelessness. So then I thought of another question: “Is it worth it?” After asking myself that for about 30 minutes, I remembered a story about a woman named Helen Roseveare. It’s a story that I’ve heard numerous times from numerous people, and while my suffering is completely and utterly different from hers (mine is from my sin; hers is from the sin of others), the story is still relevant. So please let me share it with you.
Helen Roseveare grew up in Belfast, Northern Ireland and became a skilled surgeon. All her life, both before and after she came to Christ, and she came to Christ during her university days, Helen Roseveare had a motto. And her motto was in the form of a question, and the question was this: “Is it worth it?” And she would ask and honestly answer that question before the did anything. Before she went out on a date with a guy, she would say, “Is it worth it?” Before she would buy a book at Barnes and Noble and read it, she’d say, “Is it worth it?” Before she took a course in college, she’d say, “Is it worth it?” And by asking and answering that question honestly, she became a very well-educated, disciplined, young woman physician. And after she graduated from Cambridge and got her hospital training, she gave her life to the Lord for missionary service in the northeast corner of the Belgian Congo in the community of Nobobongo. And she served their in the fifties and sixties eleven solid years of sacrificial, loving service to the African people. She did leprosy work, children’s work, built a hospital, built a Bible school. And then, in 1956… in 1964, in 1964 the Simba Uprising took place in the Congo, what we here in distant America called the Congo Rebellion. And the tribal people rose up, and the foreigners were ruthlessly treated.
The story goes that she gave a talk and the talk consisted of a refrain: “Do you know my Jesus? He’s the altogether lovely one….Do you know my Jesus? He’s the altogether lovely one….Do you know my Jesus? He’s the altogether lovely one….Do you know my Jesus? He’s the altogether lovely one….” That same night…
…word came through the men’s dormitory that all the men were to leave their studies, and to go to the central lobby, because a woman missionary was passing through campus that evening, she couldn’t stay for the next day, and so they wanted the men to hear her give a brief word of testimony about her missionary work in Africa.
Well, to be real honest with you, none of the boys were very excited, you know. And, but the school said they had to do it, so we all went to the men – to the main lobby of the men’s dorm, and when we got there, the guys were in there, they were draped over the couches, sitting on the floor, and kind of looking like they didn’t want to be there. And, and then two of the school administrators walked in with Dr. Roseveare standing between the them, and when we saw her, everybody’s worst fears were well-founded, because she looked like a missionary. Whatever that means.
Simple cotton dress. Gray hair pulled back in a bit of a bun. Very thick, coke-bottle glasses, because her eyesight was not good. And she was tired. So somebody grabbed a gray, folding, metal Samsonite chair and put it in the middle of the floor, and, and, and she sat on it, and they said, ah, “Gentlemen, this woman, Dr. Roseveare, has just come through our campus, we just want her to share a little bit of her experience with you tonight.” And so she started to give her testimony. And being the astute woman that she is, about two minutes into her testimony, she knew that most of those guys were not interested at all, and so she stopped.
And she said, “You know what, boys, I don’t want to bore you with the details of my life. You’ve probably heard different stories and so forth. So, it’s late, why don’t we just take another five, ten minutes or so and, and I’ll just answer questions. Maybe, you know, you have a question, I’d rather talk about the things you’re interested.” And this kid immediately stuck his hand up, I feel sorry for him to this day [audience laughter], he stuck his hand up, and he said, he said, “Yeah I’ve got a question,” he said, “You know, we’ve got missionaries coming through here all the time, and, and they’re always talking about, you know, paying the price and suffering for Jesus – what did you ever suffer for Jesus?” She sat there and looked at him and, without any bitterness or any anger, she said, “Well, during the Simba Uprising, I was raped twice.” Everything got real quiet.
And then she told us about the rape. She told us how the government soliders came to her bungalow that night, came inside, ransacked it, grabbed her, beat her, threw her to the floor, kicked in all of her teeth. And then two army officers, one at a time, took her to her own bedroom and violated her body by raping her. And then, after the second incident, she was dragged from that bungalow out into a clearing and tied to a tree. And standing around the tree were all the laughing government soldiers. And then, while she was standing there, beaten and humiliated and violated and ridiculed, someone discovered in the bungalow the only existing hand-written manuscript of a book that she had been writing about the Lord’s work in the Congo over an eleven year period. They brought it out, put it on the ground in front of her, and burned it.
And as she saw that book go up in smoke, through clenched teeth, she said to herself: “Is it worth it? Is it really worth it? Eleven years of my life poured out in selfless service for the African people and now this.” And then she told those boys in that dormitory room that night as we all sat there spellbound, she said, “And boys, the minute I said that, God’s Holy Spirit settled over that terrible scene, and He began to speak to me, and this is what He said. He said to me: ‘Helen, my daughter Helen, you’ve been asking the wrong question all your life. Helen, the question is not, “Is it worth it?” The question is: “Am I worthy?” Am I, the Lord Jesus who gave His life for you, worthy for you to make this kind of sacrifice for me?’” And by her own tearful testimony she told us how God broke her heart, she looked up into the face of Jesus and said, “Oh Lord Jesus, yes, it is worth it, for thou art worthy.”
This may not be as powerful to you as it is to me, even as I re-read it for the uptenth time. I used to ask myself a question similar that I stopped asking myself somewhere along the way-something I contribute to my porn use. I used to ask myself, “What makes me different from them?” And the them could be anyone, another athlete, another classmate, another co-worker, even another Christian. It was asked in such a way that I aspired to be the best at whatever I found myself doing. I would create these lofty, unrealistic expectations of what I could do/achieve. Somehow, most of the time, I would achieve them. However, I lost that drive too…something else that I contribute to my porn use (as with any addiction, a person’s ambitions and drive begins to wane and this is how my porn addiction began to manifest itself publicly beyond the personal husband-wife struggles). However, both were wrong. Both were misguided and mis-focused (<-Is that a word?). While I am at a loss as to what question to ask, maybe it should be, “Is He worthy?” But I am afraid of what I may say sometimes because right now I am not walking with him…maybe I am not walking at all??
However, sometimes what is even more powerful was her talk: “Do you know my Jesus? He’s the altogether lovely one….Do you know my Jesus? He’s the altogether lovely one….Do you know my Jesus? He’s the altogether lovely one….Do you know my Jesus? He’s the altogether lovely one….” Do I really know Him? Do I know him? Philippians 3:10 states, “…that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death…” Helen Roseveare knew Jesus and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings (Phil 3:10). I am still trying to know Jesus and the power of His resurrection, that which according to the Scriptures I have in me through the Spirit (Eph 1:18-21). May I know Jesus and this power!
