Is it just about the physical? No. So then is it just emotional? No. We are complex intertwined human beings. Regardless of whether on is a dichotomist or trichotomist or even if you have no idea what those terms mean, we are one person with mind, body, soul, and spirit. No matter the parts, we are one interconnect person. So our porn addiction is not solely emotional or physical. It’s both.
Like many other addictions, porn addiction is about something more than the physical. It’s about contol, fear, hate, anger, disappoint, hurt(s), stress, perfectionism, intimacy, and more. It’s largely connected with our relationship with our fathers though not solely.
How was your father? Was he ever present or hardly present? Was he over-bearing or forebearing? Was he angry or ever-go lucky? Was he lazy or hardworking? How was your relationship with him? Do you have any father wounds?
Sometimes connected with our fathers, but not necessarily, is abuse. Is there any abuse in your past: emotional, mental, physical, or sexual? Was it from a family member or someone else?
Porn addicts are just like drug addicts; it’s just that we have chosen a different drug, a different medication. And just like drug addicts, it’s not just about the chemicals. There is an attempt to numb our life. There is an attempt to rid ourselves of emotion(s), hurt, shame, disappointment, and guilt. Simply, we strive for a life free of pain. We do everything we can to find the easy way out. If something smells like confrontation, hurt, rejection, etc. we flee for the hills and oasis of our drug of choice. When our spouses yell, confront, demean, even simply challenge us, it’s as though we don’t add up or measure up. So we escape reality into our medication, our drug, porn.
So fixing the behavior through accountability, filters, etc, is not enough for the addiction will spring up again somewhere else and relapse becomes a major threat, maybe in another addiction like alcoholism, workaholism, narcotic addiction, etc. So we must deal with our underlying presuppositions. What are we afraid of? What do we fear most? What’s keeping us from surrendering to God? What do we believe about God? Not what should we believe, but what does our heart believe? Do we really trust that God is good? Do we believe that we matter to Him? Do we believe that he accepts us as we are, nothing more, nothing less? Do we believe that God has forgiven us? Do we believe that He is in control of all things, even everything in our lives? Do we believe Him to be gracious, compassionate, merciful, patient, and loving? What do we really believe about Him in our heart of hearts?
Today, I was challenged with these serious of thoughts and it was painful to think on these things. What do you think? What would you add?
