So the other day, I was talking with someone about my issue with pornography. And every time I talk with him, he always asks me one question that I am never prepared to answer, “What’s one thing you can do differently this week?” But before I answer that question, let me tell you a story.
About 3 months ago, my wife encouraged me to get away with a friend, my college roommate. So we started talking and everything, and we decided to run a half marathon. We finally settled on the Boston Run to Remember because it was in Boston! We wanted to go to a Red Sox game, so we were sold. It was his idea really since he’d been running for some time now, having already run 2 half marathons recently as well. However, I used to be a runner about 10 years ago, so I decided to give it another shot. So I began my training quite well and got up to 6 miles. Then I took 2 weeks off because of a variety of reasons but mainly because of soreness in my knees, which is what took me out originally, but this time it was not because of over-training but rather being over-weight (or at least over-weight for me). Then I got up to 8 miles and took another 3 weeks off, the 3 weeks prior to race day. The day before the race, I ran 2 miles to loosen up, etc. with my college buddy, and then walked around Boston on the Freedom Trail.
Then race day came and I was not sure if I could complete the race. It wasn’t really a race for me…it was more like a long run to see if I could do it. Our goal pace was 10:30-11:00 (I believe my friend was shooting for a 10:30, while I was privately shooting for 11:00), and we planned to stop only at the 4 water stations (placed every 2-3 miles) to drink and stretch if needed (map of race). Miles 1-6 were fairly easy (pace around 11:00); however, I’ve always had a hard time starting. So the first water station was very welcomed (at Mile 3). However, upon arriving at the Mile 6 water station, I began feeling great! And because of this Miles 7-8, we ran two 9-minute miles (which happened to be in front of Harvard and MIT, maybe I was feeling smart!). At one point we were running 8-minute mile pace which dropped off after a while. Then Miles 9-10 were like the first 6; however, I could tell that it was going to get difficult. So, as soon as I left the Mile 9 water station I began just to think about the next water station, mile 11-12, where I could stop. However, I didn’t think I could make it, so I began thinking, “just make it over this hill,” “just make it to the ramp,” “just cross the bridge,” “pass this person,” “just make it that car, now that car,” “just make it around this horseshoe,” “”just make it to the water station” (on other side of horseshoe). Once I made it, I started walking. I drank some gatorade and some water. Then just walked. I seriously debated whether to start running or not. I walked the rest of the horseshoe…longest walking period thus far. Then we started running and I began thinking “just make it to mile 12,” about a 1/4 mile later (probably less) “just make it past Boston Common,” “just make it to Dunkin’ Donuts–oh, I wish I could have one,” “just make it to the next Dunkin’ Donuts” (kind of like Starbucks in Seattle, every block), “just make it to the old house…man, I already forgot what that place was called!” (the Old Meeting House), “just make it to the turn,” “just make it to the next turn” (2 blocks), “just make it this next block,” “now this next block.” With about 1-3/4 mile left in the race, I felt I was towards the end, and began to kick a little, down Atlantic Ave from Congress to Seaport Blvd. As soon as I turned the corner, saw the hill, and just thought, “Oh crap!” (I thought we were within about 1/2 mile, but apparently it is more like 3/4 of a mile, which may not seem like much, but it is when you’ve already run 12 miles or so!). So I pushed to the hill, and as soon as I hit the hill, I died. And immediately, I slowed to a 12 minute pace or slower. Many people were walking by this time, but I refused. I thought, “I’ll start walking at the top of the hill.” Got to the top, and thought, “I see a ton of people.” I kept thinking, “Where is the finish line?” I could hear the announcer calling names. I could see people still running, but I could not see the finish line. I wanted to quit! I thought, “I’ll quit when I get to the bottom of the bridge.” Still unable to see the finish line, “I’ll just run a little further,” and again “just a little more.” Then finally, I saw the finish line. My buddy asked if I had enough for a kick. We kicked it (for kicks!) got some cheers, he dogged me, yet slowed for us to complete the race together.
So why do I tell the story? Well I was talking to a friend of mine and he had a similar experience. He ran his first marathon with no training, just thinking, “I’ll quit after I get to that light pole,” and “I’ll quit after I get to that light pole,” and again and again. Then he told another story of how he was living with some friends and was engaged to be married. He and his friends sold cokes for $0.25 and bought them for $0.10 (which I don’t remember them ever being that cheap…it showed his age!). So when they sold them, they made more than double. But when they wanted a coke, they would buy them at cost, $0.10. So one day he wanted a coke for himself. However, he was saving money for his marriage, honeymoon, etc. And he began thinking, “No, I’ll have a coke tomorrow.” Every day, he told himself, “No, I’ll have a coke tomorrow.” And he didn’t have or had very, very few (he said maybe 1-2) over the next 3-6 months. He said, “When I did this, I said that having the coke in the frig was worth more than me drinking it.”
So he said, “Take the same approach with pornography. Just say that you’ll do it later. You’ll do it tomorrow. It’s not committing not to doing it ever which may seem daunting or overwhelming, but it’s also not doing it.” Putting quote marks in the air, he said, “Whenever you say ‘I’ll do it later’ you are saying that your wife, your marriage, your family, your job, and everything in your life is worth more than doing it now.”
So I thought, man, I really like this idea. I love procrastinating…some of my best work comes out when I procrastinate, which is not good. However, it is the truth. One of my more favorite sayings is: “Why procrastinate when you can just put it off?” Or even better, “Why procrastinate when you can perendinate?” (Perendinate: Put something off until the day after tomorrow, from Latin perendie, literally, “on the day after tomorrow.”; Procrastinate: Put something off until tomorrow, from Latin cras, which means “tomorrow.”)
However, the hard part in thinking this way is trying not to think about later. It’s difficult not to plan in my head the next time I will be able to do it again; instead focusing myself, my eyes, my head, my heart on the present. However, I can even procrastinate with that!
Porn procrastination…finally something that teachers and role models could agree on something we can and should procrastinate or even perendinate.
