The other day I heard a guy say tha his wife was his accountability partner. So it got me thinking about this question: Can wives serve as good accountability partners? What do you think?
Here is my working conclusion. I believe there are many pros and cons of such an approach to conquering pornography. First, no one knows the man like his wife. Rather, no one should know the man like his wife. I know in my case, my wife knows me better than I know myself. She isn’t living my life and can clearly see things that I cannot. Second, God communicates many things to a man through his wife. It is amazing how many stories I hear and read about how a man learned this or that about himself or something or someone (maybe with bad motives) through the intuition of a woman. The same applies here. Third, with me, I cannot lie to my wife. Even when I do and think I’ve gotten away with it, she knows! How does she know!? I strongly believe that it has something to do with God’s role in my life.
On the flip side, women have a tremendously difficult time remaining objective in this situation because they immediately think (at least initially) that it is their fault. They think, “If I were prettier…” or “If I was less nagging…” or “If I hadn’t left him alone…” or “If I hadn’t gained so much weight” or “If I was skinnier…” or “If I’d only didn’t say _blank_…” With them, the husband is breaking his covenant with his wife defiling the bed/bedroom. He is committing mental adultery, an affair of the mind if you will, even an affair of the heart or emotional adultery, in the least, emotional escape. And she knows this! How can she remain objective? How can she objectively help her husband and keep her emotions at bay? While some women can do this, is it fair to them to require this of them? Is it fair to their “recovery” or “restoration”?
Second, how can a wife fulfill both duties of “helping” and “submitting” while keeping her husband accountable? Isn’t that a leadership type role? Maybe. I believe that a wife cannot be both at the same time: wife and accountability partner. Furthermore, women have a hard time compartamentalizing things. For them it may even be impossible with the new nerological research of a woman’s brain, which works more like a network while the man’s brain works more like a circuit.
Third, just as a man cannot be all things to his wife, neither can a woman to a man. A woman needs other women. A real man needs a close guy friend. I know this may sound funny, but King David speaks about this concerning Jonathan calling their friendship better than that of any woman (maybe he was just referring to his 7 wives?). But as iron sharpens iron so does one man sharpen another.
Fourth, is it really safe with your wife? Of course most men will initially say YES. However, upon further investigation, the answer may change. If it is safe then would you feel comfortable sharing EVERYTHING with your wife if she asked down to the internet site(s), the clicks, the masterbation, etc.? Would you be willing to tell her every time you thought about sex regardless of with whom? Would you feel safe telling her all this and more down to the minute detail? If you hesitate, then I would suggest that it is not safe yet, even if it is only for her sake. You may be willing but she isn’t ready. Also, by safe I mean that she won’t take you on a guilt trip, make comments, say anything negative while she heard this, but that she would only listen like a friend (because one can listen and not condone what they are listening).
So my tentative conclusion is that a wife is not the best accountability partner though she is better than no one. However, I believe that the wife should have a good relationship with someone’s accountability partner. More on this later.
What do you think?
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