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Patrick Carnes describes the addiction cycle as:
- Preoccupation-the trance or mood wherein the addicts’ minds are completely engrossed with thoughts of sex. This mental state creates an obsessive search for sexual stimulation.
- Ritualization-the addicts’ own special routines which lead up to the sexual behavior. The ritual intensifies the preoccupation, adding arousal and excitement.
- Compulsive Sexual Behavior-the actual sexual act, which is the end goal of the preoccupation and ritualization. Sexual addicts are unable to control or stop this behavior.
- Despair-the feeling of utter hopelessness addicts have about their behavior and their powerlessness.
First, the thought or fantasy enters the addicts mind through some sort of trigger based on their arousal template (or what excites them). This could be in the form of an image that suddenly appeared in one’s mind or a smell or a sound or a whole slew of various triggers. This is where the battle must take place (2 Cor 10:5). From here, from this thought comes an obsessive preoccupation on the fantasy or sexual thought. Here the battle is much, much tougher yet beatable. The felt, immediate cost will be greater.
Then comes the person’s ritual. In the ritualization stage, according to Carnes, the battle is already lost. However, I must disagree. I believe that the Lord does provide a way out (1 Cor 10:13). Many times the ritualization part can look a lot like the sexual compulsive stage. This stage This can vary from a wide variety of events from turning on the computer, going to a certain “safe” site that allows one to get closer, etc. In the ritualization process, the addict forms his excuses, rationalizations, or returns to a state of denial. This stage can happen over a course of minutes and even seconds to a week or sometimes a month.
The ritualization leads to the addict sexually acting out in their sexual compulsive behavior. This is the culmination of the thought, the preoccupation, and the ritualization process.
After the acting out, the addict feels guilt or shame for the behavior. “How could I do this again??” It is important to note that the addict feels both shame and guilt, and it is important to note the differences between the two:
Guilt says I’ve done something wrong; shame says there is something wrong with me. Guilt says I’ve made a mistake; shame says I am a mistake. Guilt says what did was not good; shame says I am no good. Bradshaw (1988).
While guilt or even sorrow can be constructive and lead to recovery, shame can be overwhelming and can lead to despair or hopelessness. And this emotional flood can be rather overwhelming and depressing. It demands attention and this leads the addict back to preoccupation.
From the Sexual Addiction Recovery Resources, they picture the addiction cycle as:
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