Ted Roberts, in Pure Desire, refers to The Addictive Cycle as the Addictive Noose.
The Noose of Sexual Addiction consists of four issues:
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- The Addictive Root
- The Addictive Mindset
- The Addictive Lifestyle
- The Addictive Cloak
So the addiction is not just about the person’s behavior/lifestyle, but about a wide variety of other issues. As Ted Roberts says, “It is about his past, the way he thinks and the defense mechanisms he has developed to keep from being exposed. Sexual Addiction isn’t ultimately about sex; it is about the way the person deals with life!” (Pure Desire, 49). And as many therapist say, “A sex addict knows nothing about sex because they know nothing about intimacy.”
Addiction has three interlocking elements:
- The problem has become unmanageable. The person has repeatedly and unsuccessfully tried to stop the behavior in a number of ways. Many take a binge/purge approach where they binge for a day, week, or even a month, and then they purge and that is also cyclical.
- Their behavior is destructive to them in some form. The first consequence is numbness, emotional numbness. SA is medicating against some sort of pain or emotional reality in his life.
- There is increased intensity of the activity over a period of time. The sexual high of the past isn’t enough so the “dosage” has to increase thus altering the brain chemistry.
The Addictive Mindset consists of a variety of destructive core concepts or also known as Core Beliefs (Patrick Carnes) including thoughts or worthlessness, unlovability, loneliness, and pleasure centric thoughts.
- “I am basically a bad, unworthy person.” Jeff Fisher at PorntoPurity.com has a great post on this here.
- “No one would love me as I am.” (Similar to “If they knew me, then they wouldn’t like me.”) Jeff Fisher at PorntoPurity.com has a great post on this here
- “My needs are never going to be met if I have to depend on others.” Jeff Fisher at PorntoPurity.com has a great post on this here
- “Sex is my most important need.” Jeff Fisher at PorntoPurity.com has a great post on this here
The Addictive Lifestyle consists of a cycle that begins with Fantasy which leads to ritual, which leads to secrecy, which leads to further shame and guilt.
The Addictive Cloak is in denial, delusion and blame.
The Addictive Root has three basic drivers: (1) Family Dysfunction; (2) Personal Trauma; and (3) Addictive Society. And this root is a complex root system, and for people with multiple issues or even addictions this root system is overlapped with another complex root system that must carefully be revealed, studied, and eventually dug-up, repaired or even replaced.
