One thing that I have noticed in my meetings whether group or 12-step, I have noticed that there is a lack of understanding of feelings and associated state of beings. At first, I didn’t have a clue about this and would constantly pass off states of being as my feelings; however, this chart was given to me and it has made a world of difference in order to understand my core feelings. As I continue to learn about my own personal feelings, I wanted to share it with everyone else.
When I was at Bethesda Workshops, one of the leaders said, “One thing we want you to learn is that no feeling in and of themselves is a bad feeling.” My objections to this statement were the feelings of GUILT and SHAME. While I can actually see how GUILT can be a positive feeling in the sense of CONVICTION, GODLY SORROW, etc., I still have some difficulty seeing how SHAME is a “positive” feeling, especially since I have always defined SHAME as seeing myself as inadequate or unworthy (as even some of the state of beings indicate). However, if we define it as something like a “state of dishonor” or even humility (if that is an emotion or feeling?), then I can see shame positively. However, I typically don’t see it as positive and will probably continue struggling with this for some time. What do you think? Can SHAME be a positive feeling?
CORE FEELINGS ASSOCIATED STATE OF BEING
| GLAD | Loving, content, compassionate, relieved, excited, alive, joyful, satisfied, calm, peaceful, accepted, committed, understood, strong, healthy, encouraged, determined, patient, respected, confident, competent, important, whole, valued, secure, worthy |
| SAD | Depressed, exhausted, overwhelmed, frantic, abandoned, trapped, desperate, hopeless, victimized, criushed, empty, miserable, fragile, helpless, needy, used, lonely, disappointed, remorseful, misunderstood, upset |
| ANGER | Offended, irritated, agitated, cross, provoked, uptight, impatient, disagreeable, disgusted, displeased, annoyed, bothered, critical, furious, enraged, hostile, vengeful, aggressive, hateful, indifferent |
| GUILT | Regretful, alienated, worthless, humiliated, inadequate, disgraced, despised, failure, bad, embarrassed, stupid, tormented |
| LONELY | Sad, alone, not chosen, abandoned, isolated, alienated, victimized, worthless, dejected, empty, friendless, needy, tearful |
| FEAR | Terrified, shocked, panicky, desperate, frantic, vulnerable, tense, anxious, apprehensive, suspicious, perturbed, unsafe, cowardly, timid, concerned, undecided, uneasy, pressured |
| SHAME | Ashamed, abused, helpless, humiliated, worthless, rejected, abandoned, detested, inadequate, degraded, unloved, failure, unimportant, bad, weak, ungifted, ugly, ignored, inferior |
| HURT | Hopeless, rejected, defeated, desperate, victimized, worthless, wounded, degraded, crushed, miserable, sick, torn up, fragile, destroyed |